Bitterness
by Laon Kame
Summary: Fai hates Kurogane. KuroFai in the most morbid possible way, and other pairings if you squint. Spoilers up to chapter 174. Oneshot.


A/N: Hello to my readers! I guess the angst from my other fic just generated this much more angsty oneshot.

WARNING: Slight sexual situations in here. No kissing. Get it? Got it? Good.

Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa, the main character would be Fai. The end.

* * *

_Ashura-ou_.

I woke up a split second before Kurogane shook me by the shoulders. "Oi, mage!" That barking voice penetrated my foggy dreams, and instantly the mask fell into place.

Why couldn't he have been asleep?

"N-nya?" I opted for the cat impersonation, blinking my eyes stupidly into Kurogane's face. "What's up, Kuro-puu?"

"You were moaning in your sleep," he said gruffly, pushing himself away from me. I wanted to stop smiling from his distance, and I could _hear_ his embarrassment about caring in his tone, and it hurt.

Regardless, I instantly shot back with a sidelong glance and a teasing smirk, "You woke me up at the _good_ part, Kuro-tan!" The actions were performed flawlessly, as I had done so many times before.

He looked back at me, his gaze so piercing that I almost stumbled.

Almost.

One more push would send him over the edge, and he would leave. One more push.

I didn't want to push him. I wanted someone to know Yuui, someone to actually see Yuui and forget Fai.

I hated myself for it.

I hated myself for the fact that I brought horror to everyone, everywhere. Even as I had traveled with these people that I tried so hard to not implicate into my life, that man who had saved me manipulated me, and Kurogane had lost an arm because of it.

Now, with Syaoran and Sakura, my princess, my only princess, are now somewhere I could not possibly hope to protect them because of my inadequacies, I'm stuck here with the man that sees through everything as if he couldn't do otherwise.

Regardless, my smile had frozen on my face, and I turned away. It was no use talking to Kurogane like this. He had already seen through these fake ploys of mine. They were useless against him. At least, now, with this new mask, I didn't have to smile as much anymore. My cheeks had begun to hurt.

"Go away, Kurogane." I spat out his name with renewed vehemence, fueled by all these thoughts of hate. If he wanted to see the sadder side of me, here it was in all of its shackled glory. He wouldn't be able to tell the difference between mask and what was real.

After all, even _I_ didn't know which was which anymore.

"No."

I smirked. It was an ugly thing, yes, even as I looked down at my hand and made the nails grow into spikes that reflected into my own self.

"Oh? So Kurogane wants to play?" I looked at him, still smirking with the bitterness I could muster and the hate that I had, clawing my index finger's nail down his exposed torso, drawing blood, cutting cleanly into the skin.

I leaned forward, sensing the shock and taking advantage of that hesitation, and licked the blood that had yet to trickle and stain the top he was wearing. After all, he wanted me to feed. Wanted me to live.

I smiled in self-hate as I slowly dragged my tongue across the cut, tasting the liquid with my tongue. Live? I've done everything I could to keep them from dying. I lose an eye, and he gives his blood to me and makes me a more hated creature than I already am. He cuts an arm off for me, and I give the rest of my magic for a synthetic one. What's next?

"Mage!" The scandalized tone was worth the boldness on my part, even as Kurogane yanked my head back by the neck and stared into my impassionate eye. I was still smirking. "What the hell are you doing?"

I gave him a sarcastic smile. "I'm feeding, Kuro-_rin_," I said in a mockery of my cheerful voice from before, and I noted the flinch he gave with some sadistic glee. "Don't you want me to feed? I might _die_ if I don't." The mockery continued on, this time with my middle finger's nail cutting a fraction of the skin and dragging across his chest again, nearer to his nipple.

I pulled his top away from the cut and _tsk_ed. "That's a pretty bad cut, don't you think, Kuro-tan? Here, let me heal it for you." I leaned forward and dragged my tongue, sensuously slow, the whole length of the cut, sealing it while I swallowed the blood.

I was amused, to say in the least, that Kurogane hadn't pushed me away, yet a little surprised. But it was no matter--I could smell his arousal.

I smirked again. Maybe I wasn't in my right mind when I did this, but I didn't care. If I could embarrass Kurogane, if I could just give him a taste of what I was going through, a taste of _revenge_, I didn't care. So I crawled out of my bed sheets, letting my right sleeve fall to my shoulder and leaned down towards his concealed erection amongst the folds of his baggy Japanese-style pants. I stared at the spot for a moment, sniffing the air to ascertain its exact position, and then rubbed my cheek against it.

I was more than satisfied to feel the shudder in the air, and then moreso as I rubbed harder, nuzzling his groin and mewling still in that mock voice of cheer, "You feel so _big _and _hard_, Kuro-sama. Shall I relieve you?"

At that point, he really did push me away. I was still smirking, and he when he stood to stomp out the door, I was gleeful to see the tent in his pants.

However, once he slammed the door shut, I let the smirk fall to shatter into pieces inside myself. An intimate act, done by lovers--I could sink so low to defile that too. I fixed my sleeve so that it was in its proper place, and crawled back under my covers.

I let my remaining eye fall shut.

I could only find Ashura-ou in my dreams. Kurogane could not deprive me of that. The very fact that Kurogane did not care about my past discarded any chance for him to become important to me. Ashura-ou and Fai were my past. If he did not acknowledge it, then my identity was gone.

If he did not acknowledge it, then he did not understand at all.

* * *

A/N: For all of you who were reading "Enough", I think I just killed Fai's character five times over. XD Lovely, isn't it?

Reviews are nice, but this one doesn't really need any. Bitter!Fai is just too... morbid to resist.


End file.
